Living with grief: Carrying love forward after a loss

Text and photography: Emel Kılıç

Writing about grief is not easy. Sometimes a poem can give voice to feelings we struggle to express in our own words. It can invite us to pause and listen to what we feel.

Grief can arise after the death of someone we love, but also after a relationship ends, when we say an emotional goodbye to someone, or when a chronic illness changes our lives. Alongside missing someone, we may also miss our health, a familiar closeness or a future we had hoped for.

These lines from a poem by Özdemir Asaf remind us how someone can continue to live within us:

I will keep you, believe me,
In what I write, in what I draw,
In my songs, in my words.
You will remain, no one will know,
And no one will see you,
You will live on in my eyes.

Saying goodbye does not have to mean that every bond between us disappears. What someone means to us can remain in memories, words and small habits. Even when missing them hurts, this connection can bring comfort.

In a close relationship, we share more than time and experiences. We become familiar with someone's voice, presence and way of responding. Our bond becomes part of our lives. After a death, reality changes, but our feelings and habits cannot immediately keep pace with that change. We know the person has died, yet we may still want to tell them something, give them a call or see them come home.

Our connection with someone we have lost can continue through memories, rituals and the meaning they hold for us.

You might keep a photograph, cook a meal you used to share or speak to them in your thoughts.

A photograph may comfort you one day and make you cry the next. A memory can bring both gratitude and longing. The fact that it hurts does not mean it cannot also bring you something good.

You do not have to forget someone you love in order to keep living. Nor do you have to remember them every day or keep all their belongings. The shape of your connection can change.

Honouring your love does not require the pain to remain just as intense.

Some days, longing may be at the forefront. On other days, you work, cook, meet someone or find yourself laughing. Afterwards, you may feel guilty:

"Am I forgetting them?"

Laughing does not make your love any smaller. Missing someone and continuing to live can coexist.

Enjoying a moment does not mean you have forgotten that person. Looking forward to something again is not a betrayal of them.

Not every relationship leaves only warm memories. Alongside love, there may also be anger, disappointment, guilt or words left unsaid.

Sometimes we miss the person themselves.

Sometimes we also feel the absence of what we had hoped to receive from them: understanding, safety or closeness.

You can miss someone and still feel hurt by them. You can cherish good memories while also acknowledging what was difficult.

Respecting someone's memory does not mean you have to disregard your own experiences.

Grief is not, in itself, an illness, but the pain can sometimes seriously disrupt everyday life for a prolonged period. At such times, professional support can help you understand what you are experiencing and what kind of support may be appropriate. You can also ask for help earlier. You do not have to wait until your pain feels "bad enough". You can talk to your GP or a psychologist about what you need.

Perhaps living with grief means giving someone a place in our lives while also leaving room for ourselves.

Their memory can stay with us. The way we carry it can change. Keeping someone we love in our hearts and continuing to live our own lives can go hand in hand.

Article reference

Kılıç, E. (2026). Carrying love forward after a loss. https://www.emelkilic.be

© 2026 Emel Kılıç. All rights reserved. You are welcome to share a link to this article. The text may be reproduced without changes for educational or clinical purposes, provided that the author and the original webpage are clearly credited. Commercial use or adaptation requires prior written permission. This permission does not extend to the quoted poem excerpt.